Non Orgasm Movement

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional post. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This post does not, in any way, encourage the formation of any organization mentioned. The contents of this post may be considered vulgar & offensive by some readers. Reader discretion is advised!

It had started off with a usual day until someone’s urge to satisfy his pleasure right in the morning couldn’t get fulfilled and instead met with a blank html displaying “This site has been blocked as per the instructions from Department of Telecommunications!”

The streets were full of skeletons of porn-craving creatures roaming restlessly in the town. They were in hundreds and thousands. I was unaware of the happenings until I got a notification on one of my Whatsapp group.

Guys after knowing about #PornBan!

Even an electron movement would be slower when compared to the rate at which such news spread on social media! Soon, a hashtag #PornBan became active on Twitter! Porn addicts were too frustrated on this decision and started expressing their anger against their sole rights on various social networking sites!

The next day, All India Modern Youth Council Chief, Arjun Thakur, was asked about his reactions on this shocking decision of Government. Surprisingly, he was feeling too depressed to talk to reporters, probably due to lack of masturbation, according to his personal secretary who told them with the promise of keeping her name confidential. He was madly searching for his old 2 TB hard disk since yesterday, she added.

Trolling Govt. like a boss..!!

Arjun, later in the evening, gave a press conference on this issue and declared a Non Orgasm Movement starting on the very same day. Several members and supporters along with Arjun took an oath in front of Funny Leone's HD posters. Within few hours, this event was viral and the youth extended their support on large scale by registering themselves on www.nonorgasmmovement.org.

According to the agreement in registration process,

• an individual should not have any kind of sexual pleasure with any person (including life-partner), object, etc.
• an individual should neither possess nor buy any kind of pornographic videos which may be the source of orgasm
• an individual should not entertain any prostitute by any means
• an individual should not study any biological subject related to sex organs
  
• an individual should not buy any object/device related to sex
• an individual should explain the necessity of Non Orgasm Movement to other people

The event itself was a trending topic. The national economy went down suddenly. The news headlines changed from “Ban on porn: blessing or curse?” to “Non Orgasm Movement: a revolution”, yet the debates remained as usual with the same set of panelists with their same opinions!

Arjun scheduled a candle-march next day in protest against this blind decision of Government to showcase the power of the youth. People gathered in large numbers to raise their voice against the decision. The slogans could be heard and posters could be viewed from quite a long distance.

One of the teenage girl supporting the movement was questioned, “Did your parents allow you to participate in this movement?” She fled the place at once, never to be witnessed there again!

The ministers arrived after few hours. The reporters surrounded them with their questions, the answers of which the ministers couldn’t give satisfactorily. Being aware of the present scenario, Government removed the ban after an internal meeting. As soon as it was declared, the sweets were being distributed amongst people to celebrate the freedom of self-controlled human rights!

Someone amongst the crowd noticed the minister checking 1 of those 857 sites before getting into his car and shouted loudly, “Sir, Parliament me mat dekhna! Warna resign karna padega, pichle walo ki tarah!” In response to this advice, the minister left the place with unexpected mouthful abuses for that person!

Nevertheless, Non Orgasm Movement proved to be a huge success!

Frankly Explaining

Courtesy: Google Images and Photoshop..

Arnab: Hello everyone. Today I welcome Prathamesh Satardekar to this exclusive interview on Frankly Explaining.

Prathamesh tries to be as polite as possible.

Prathamesh: Hello Sir. Thank you for inviting me.

Arnab: Before I start with this interview I want our viewers to know that Prathamesh Satardekar is (taking a pause and checking his documents) an Engineering student!

Prathamesh gives a happy-cum-angry expression.

Arnab: So Prathamesh, my first question to you should be on your studies. But, I would rather prefer to ask you something else. Just before you entered the studio, I saw your friends wishing you good luck. But anyways, that’s not the point, but I heard them calling you Rats. So, my question to you is, why did they call you Rats when your name is Prathamesh? They should have called you Prathamesh, Prathu, Patya or at the most Sattu (with a jeering smile) I know many things about you.

Prathamesh: (after listening calmly to the remarks) I think it’s a matter of personal choice, isn’t it?

Arnab: Yes, it is. But why Rats and why not Cats, Dogs, Zebras or Donkeys?

Arnab tries to be funny. Prathamesh still remains quiet.

Arnab: Should I repeat my question?

Prathamesh: (with a bright smile) Are you crazy? I thought you were kidding!

Arnab had to get serious on this accusation.

Arnab: No, I’m not crazy. Else I won’t be interviewing people like you on this show. It seems you don’t want to reveal the secret behind the name Rats. It’s fine. We’ll move on to the next question…

Prathamesh: (strongly interrupting Arnab) Wait Sir, let me clear it. It’s the nickname extracted from bollywood movie Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na and given to me by my friends during school years and it continues to be it since then. It’s not a big deal of a mystery!

Arnab: (with curiosity) Ok, so anyone can give you any name and you assume it to be yours?

Prathamesh: I mentioned “friends”. Didn’t you get that?

Arnab: (checking his documents) Ok. My next question to you is, do you consider yourself a Facebook-King or someone like that? Because the frequency of your facebook posts is so high that some people prefer not to follow your posts. Few people have also created trolls about the same. Don’t you feel pity for the homepage of your facebook friends? (pressurizing his voice) Now my question to you is, what kind of a human being are you?

Prathamesh: Nice.

Arnab: What nice?

Prathamesh: (being sarcastic) The answer to your question. I’m a nice human being!

Arnab: Don’t you think you are unnecessarily being sarcastic? I brought so many things into your notice and you are simply ignoring them. That shows how irresponsible you are.

Prathamesh: Isn’t the name of this show “Frankly Explaining”?

Arnab: Yes, of course, it is. And that is why I’ve invited you.

Meanwhile, Prathamesh is totally irritated.

Prathamesh: So, is it you who is going to explain everything?

Arnab realizes that he should remain quiet for some time.

Arnab: Okay. Explain me.

Prathamesh: First of all, the people you are talking about need not be my friends in real life. Secondly, you only spoke about the quantity of posts, not the quality. I share posts with political news, awareness operations, light humour, self-updates as well as thought provoking facts, being a mere knowledge and entertainment source for my friends. I don’t think, it’s wrong in any way! Thirdly, I do get likes for my updates and posts which is due to its worth and not any “plz like my post” message in anyone’s inbox. I hate that. And finally, people are free to stop following my posts as I haven’t kept that criteria for being my facebook friend!

Saying this, Prathamesh releases his deep breath. Arnab is awakened from his dreams by that noise.

Arnab: (rubbing eyes and checking his documents again) So, Prathamesh, how’s your study going on?

Prathamesh: Good.

Arnab: (shockingly) Good! I expected fabulous or something like that. According to my knowledge, you scored (checking his documents again) a whopping 8.46 CGPA. That’s an incredible score of an engineering student. But, I don’t hear the sound of that success. Are you depressed due to any reason?

Prathamesh: Not at all. Scores doesn’t define you. This is all what I want to say. So, I don’t need to boast about my grades. I just study for learning new things. Scores are at secondary levels for me. And I wish everyone should consider it the same way. Grades only help you to pass-out but knowledge will help you to deal with practical life after that.

Arnab: Yes, I agree to this point of yours. Moving ahead, our sources reveal that you are single but you have crush on many girls! (giving a cunning smile) Is it true?

Prathamesh: (feeling embarrassed though he need not be) Haathi chale bajaar, kutte bhouke hazaar! Being single doesn’t imply that I am in dire need of a relationship! When the time is perfect, maybe I’ll get a girlfriend. But, at present, I am single and I don’t have crush on anyone. Ask your sources to get accurate information.

Arnab laughs for a while.

Arnab: (being serious) Okay, one last question. I’ve heard that you have more enemies than friends. Do you have any gang? Are you involved in any of the fights?

Prathamesh has a hearty laugh.

Prathamesh: No Sir. I have no connection with any gang. And those are not enemies, they may be haters. I don’t consider anyone as my enemy.

Arnab: (interrupting him) That’s what I’m asking. Why do they hate you? Do you play pranks on them or have you cheated them?

Both of them laugh.

Prathamesh: Cheating and me! Never! They might consider my ways of living and my straight-forward thoughts offensive for them. I hate liars, selfish people and all those who don’t respect our Nature. So, this behavior of mine adds more people to the list.

Arnab: (smiling) That’s impressive, I must say. It was great talking to you. Thank you for coming to this show.

Prathamesh: I’m glad you invited me. Thank you once again.


Disclaimer: This post is purely a fictional dramatization of a TV show “Frankly Speaking”. The events portrayed in this post are also fictional. This post doesn’t intend to hurt sentiments of anyone and is only for entertainment purpose.